Advice
to couples contemplating divorce.
The
first question that I ask a couple (or the husband or wife who may see me
individually) is whether their marriage has, in fact, broken down irretrievably
or whether they shouldn't rather be seeing a marriage counsellor.
If
divorce is the only option, I point out that first prize is for the parties to
reach agreement so that I can put together a deed of settlement that can be
made an order of court. In the settlement I provide for the distribution of
assets, maintenance for the wife (if appropriate) and, if there are children,
to look after their well-being, and make sure that the dad gets reasonable
contact with them.
I
emphasise that if the parties are unable to reach agreement they should (and this
is now a legal requirement before a matter can be heard by a judge) approach an
accredited divorce mediator to facilitate a resolution of the dispute.
Depending on the seniority of the mediator, they would be looking at a fee of
approximately R 4000. This is significantly cheaper than each approaching a
separate lawyer, who will likely dig in their respective heels and posture,
each trying to impress his or her client with his or her intractable (and very
expensive) way of stringing out the divorce.
In
this scenario, the clients get poorer and the lawyers get richer. The parties
hate each other even more, and the children are, inevitably, caught in the
crossfire.
If
sense prevails and the attorneys adopt a holistic approach, the parties can
remain on reasonably good terms, the children are less likely to be overly
traumatised and the fees will be insignificant.
If at any time a woman feels threatened or
intimidated, she must immediately seek independent legal advice, and should
never sign any document, before it is first sanctioned by an attorney.
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